I think that another reason many people hold on to pain is because there may be a feeling that if there is something large and scary and traumatic and painful in our past, that there are extra "reasons" for why we act certain ways. Why we are the way we are. We think we don't have to take responsibility for our own actions because some horrible experience is pressing our hand....as if we are a puppet to our experiences and environment - keeping us hurting, keeping us in reaction. So we may look for pain within ourselves to cling on to.. to find, take out, and set on the desktop of our lives, getting its filth on everything around it. Often times, the trauma in our lives wasn't directly our responsibility (especially if it resides in childhood) - but it is our responsibility to do something about it now. It comes down to the question of: "will I give up my power to the things and people that hurt me in exchange for a "reason" why I do the things I do"... or "will I reclaim my power and responsibility, and go back into the heart of the pain, as I am now, forgive them, forgive self, heal... and clean up someone else's mess."

- Mary

Mary, thanks for the insight. Not wanting to take the responsibility for our own behaviour is a major issue with most people. You have no control of what other people do to you, but you have full control over how you react. Or rather, you can have the control, if you switch off the autopilot.
   And you are completely right about learned negative behaviour ! That's a major point I have completely missed. We do learn at home how to manage our emotions, and it takes a while to realise that we can do it differently, and unlearn these habits.